I dugg this
article up about the five most common lies that women tell. Being a feminist, I couldn't resist stoking my own righteous indignation; I clicked on the link vigorously and with determination. I got to the third "lie" and, what do you know, I'm pissed off. Anyway, it has inspired me to write:
Five Signs That You And Your Partner Are Superficial Morons, And That You Deserve Each Other Because No One Else Can Make You Suffer As Much As You Should1.
You take advice on relationships from magazines and other sexist media such as askmen.com.That's right, if you're taking tips from Vanity Fair or whatever stupid crap that is out there for men, then your relationship is probably doomed. This is not to say that you two lovebirds won't manage to cling onto each other for the rest of your days despite your idiocy. You'll just never be happy together. Remember, not all bad partners break up, and not all failed marriages end in divorce. In fact, looking at all of the mewling cabbages being carted around these days, I'd say that not enough relationships end when they should: the minute you open one of these magazines looking for advice. If you catch yourself reading one of these publications for any reason other than a good laugh or a quick reminder of the dire state of society as we know it, prepare yourself for a long, drawn-out life of misery and banality. Actually, if you catch yourself reading one of these, you'll just go on reading it because you are an idiot who deserves to suffer.
2.
You talk behind your partner's back.This is for people who find themselves badmouthing their significant others whenever those others aren't around. Badmouthing your partner behind his/her back is usually a sign: you're an asshole. It's also a sign that you need to have a serious talk with you partner, and probably break up. This isn't to say that you can't report your relationship problems and frustrations to a friend in order to get advice. That's different. Getting advice from friends is actually a sure-fire way to help your relationship (even if that means breaking up on good terms!). But these talks should only compliment talks with your significant other. Talking smack behind your partner's back really doesn't get you anywhere. If you find yourself needing to complain that much, but don't want to talk with your partner about whatever it is, just break up. Really, breaking up isn't such a big deal. Even divorce isn't so bad.
3.
Jealousy.
The occasional tinge of jealousy is normal, but jealously is just one of those emotions that serves no real purpose. Normally one just needs to let it go. Unfortunately, many people can't let it go, and they brood upon the jealousy even when there was nothing to be jealous of in the first place. If you're one of these people, then you have security issues. The same goes if you're the type of person who is always trying to make your partner jealous. These latter morons are the worst: they associate jealousy with love and caring, and go out of their way to make their partners jealous just to fuel their own egotistic insecurities. What you need to do in these cases is stop it. Jealousy is much like smoking: it's very addictive and the best way to quit is to never give in. That means discussing with your partner what makes you jealous, or why you feel that you want to make your partner jealous. Usually the answer is that you're a bad person. That's something you might also want to work on.
4.
You make assumptions.If you find yourself making assumptions about your significant other, it's not because you know the person very well--it's because you suck. These assumptions range anywhere from assuming that your partner is always lying to assuming that s/he is trying to make your life difficult. Humans are too deep and complex to make assumptions about them on any occasion. People who really get along and who have been together for a long time may find that they're able to guess each other's opinions, but remember that, whatever his/her opinions may be, your partner has reached them for reasons that you can't even begin to understand. Any assumption you make without then consulting your partner is basically reducing your partner to little more than an idea. You no longer see your partner for who s/he really is. You see him/her as the assumptions
you made about him/her, which means you're actually seeing yourself in a fictional character you made up. Ever notice that good relationships are democratic and open? No, you're a fucknut.
5.
You don't talk about and seek to improve sex.Sex is
not the most important aspect of a relationship, but it sure as hell is up there. One way to know that you still love your loved one is if you are still having good sex. A huge part of love is sexual attraction, and sexual attraction, like anything else, changes over time. If you're not talking about sex with you significant other and trying new things, chances are that one or both of you are bored by your sex, or will be bored in due time. Contrary to popular belief, men
can satisfy women, if they are smart enough to ask what the women want. Also contrary to popular belief, men won't fuck anything that spreads its legs long enough. We have needs too. In fact, one of those needs it the need to satisfy a lady, so, really, talking about how to improve sex is just a win-win situation. Shouldn't improving sex just be an obvious goal to begin with? You're all cunt lagers.
