Ich aeger mich ueber...

The laundromat, where I get me my fix of internet, plays the radio all day. Today, the radio decided to have a one-hit-wonder marathon. A CHRISTMAS one hit-wonder-marathon. AN AMERICAN POP CHRISTMAS ONE-HIT-WONDER MARATHON.

I left my country for a reason: one-hit-wonders. You know why they're called one-hit-wonders? It's because stoners (naturally the only people whose collective realities have been so twisted and perverted that they can listen to one-hit-wonders without their ears bleeding) use the mind-altering effects of one-hit-wonders to enhance the mind-altering effects of marijuana, so that they are stoned after one hit.

Seriously, does the fact that these bands have (necessarily, by definition of the phrase) been unable to produce anything popular since their one-hit-wonders, and that these bands had never before then played anything of mark or interest, mean that their SINGLE SHITTY CROWNING ACHIEVEMENTS have to be played over and over again?

And since when has Christmas music been good? Why does singing about Santa Claus, or Christmas trees, or reindeer urine appeal to you people? I MEAN you people. I'm certainly not tolerating this crap, so it must be you idiots who are buying Christmas CDs.

There are only two reasons to listen to Christmas music. The first is so that, as a child, your elementary school can waste hours of your precious education time and hundreds of dollars of your parents' tax money, and teach you to shriek "HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS" at the top of your obnoxiously overgrown lungs, always at the wrong moment, in front of your ashamed parents at your school's Christmas play (directed by Matt Damon and produced Stephen Spielberg).

The second is that you've successfully matured into a stable, intelligent human being, and you've discovered that there is good Christmas music to be listened to, but it was written before Coca Cola cemented itself within (and influenced) the American conception of Santa Claus as a ploy to sell more of its soft drinks during the great depression, and once again after the Second World War (during which time they established Fanta in Nazi Germany so as to circumvent the American laws banning them from trading with the enemy), and also before shitty American singers caught onto Coke's idea and began churning out Christmas songs, choosing lyrics by releasing a lustful, drugged reindeer to hump other, dead reindeer with Christmas related themes written on them in reindeer blood and placed with extreme precision in a bright, red, poorly insulated room, and you have to listen to it privately in your closet wearing headphones, lest the stoners hear you and try to drink your blood so as to enhance their high.

I'm convinced that the Germans know that I hate American one-hit-Christmas-wonders, and that, upon my entry into their country, they drugged me and secretly placed a chip into my head that converts all music into American one-hit-Christmas-wonders. I believe this with all of my heart.

Note: if you're thinking that my sentences drag on a bit, leave this website immediately.

You know what’s really stupid?

Regionized DVDs. I just tried to watch McVicar* on my laptop (knowing that I couldn’t play it on my DVD player, as it is a region 2 DVD) and I got the same error message I’ve always gotten when I’ve tried to play it, even back on my Dell. I had to switch regions, which, all right I don’t have a problem doing. I’m not that lazy. But it tells me that I can only switch back and forth between regions a certain number of times before my laptop explodes.

Or something.

This is a disgrace. Why make regionized DVDs? I really don’t get why it has to be done. In an age where I’m still not allowed to go around taking care of people who irritate me, can we not make DVDs that play anywhere? They make players that are all region friendly; why can’t that be the norm?

Speaking of me not being allowed to take care of, to “end” if you will (to quote the crazy cat guy --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23Te7QAsH6w) people who annoy me. Um… where was I going with this…

That’s right. I have a Christmas list and it’s short, really. Yeah I’m a girl and I don’t want a lot for Christmas, how about that? Anyhow. On my list. I want a genie to grant me three wishes. Any three I want, excluding the “infinite wishes” bullshit. Hell yeah, three wishes.

~musicalsparks

*McVicar was only made on Region 2 DVDs, apparently because they only thought that English women found Roger Daltrey hot. There's a scene in the movie where he's doing pull-ups, and you can see his entire body bulging with muscles. Now, I'm not one who's generally into bulging muscles, but seriously! And there's even a page on some dude's blog dedicated to Roger Daltrey's arms, I kid you not. Even now, when he's in his mid-60's, he's in incredible shape.

Myself, I'm more of a Pete Townshend lover. Always have been -- the dark hair and the blue eyes, the voice...

Update

Okay, so, those two of you who come to randomhat.com on a regular basis, you may have noticed that I have completely changed the website layout. If you haven't noticed, please email me, because I want the opportunity to talk to you.

Other than the overhaul, I have done little to the website. It is, I admit, boring to import stupid things like poems and comics and other stupid stuff. However, I have not been idle. I am more or less than 10% finished with a new project, which I hope to have finished (phase one, at least) and available to you by Christmas. Rejoice! REJOICE I SAY!

I thank doggod that I have Anagea, who has cleverly discovered that Random Rant is a good place to, well, rant. I don't doubt that Anagea's problems have kept you entertained in my absence. You other people. What's wrong with you? You know this place exists! YOU CAN'T IGNORE US FOREVER.

Oh, and I am in Germany. REJOICE!